I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
