new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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