He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I bet he comes in French.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
