i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
