Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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