A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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