dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
