she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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