even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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