forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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