I'm gonna have a badass scar
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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