We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
