Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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