at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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