It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
