The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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