I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
