My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
