Only a mothe r could love this liver
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
