The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
