I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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