Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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