If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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