I CAN MOONWALK!
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
