you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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