I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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