Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
