id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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