I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.