Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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