i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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