I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms