I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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