He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Of course I have a pirate flag
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.