I need help removing her.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Randomize
