I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
