Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
