1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
