dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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