I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
