my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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