So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
