Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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