The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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