A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
