I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
