Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
And then he peed in my hair
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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