I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
