Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
