If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
