I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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