So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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