I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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