Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
