i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
