im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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