were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
