was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
