I don't usually arrange sex via text message
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
