You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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