I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize