We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
