i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My vagina just recognized that song.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
