There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
