I haven't been this sober since birth.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It's rum buckets o'clock
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
