the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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