sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
