Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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