I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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