god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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