Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
