Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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