3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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