she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
