My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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